So, you’re anchored off a beautiful island. We’ll call this one Alder Cay. Maybe it’s a private island, maybe it’s not. It’s a mystery. As you walk along the sugar white sandy beaches, you notice the coconut palms. They’re everywhere!
You desperately want to taste the sweet, refreshing, coconut water inside. But how to get it? They’re so high. And once they fall out of the tree, isn’t it too late? I’m no coconut expert, but I think once the fruit hits the ground, it’s done.
So, you find a tree that’s short enough for you to just barely reach the fruit. Then, you look around for those nuts that have already met their demise. Pick up a good sized one and throw it with all your might at the good ones still in the tree. On your third toss, you just graze the perfect nut. You have to keep trying. Your arms are getting fatigued, but that coconut keeps taunting you. You throw and throw until you say, “This is the last one!” for the 7th time. You hurl it with all your might, it smacks the nut just right, sending it to the ground, landing at your feet. You jump with joy, high-fiving anyone in your vicinity.
You take a deep breath and you pick up that prized nut with such pride. The last step in conquering this beast is breaking it open and drinking the juice. What’s this? You just happen to have a machete with you? You lucky son-of-a-gun.
You gently set the coconut down near a rock and tell everyone to stand back. This is a dangerous sport. You raise the machete high above your head, aiming ever so carefully at the center of the coconut. You let out a premature cry of success as you swing the machete down over the coconut, landing perfectly in the center. You’ve done it! You’ve cracked the, wait, what? The machete is stuck in the middle of the coconut? You can’t get it out?
You pick up the impaled coconut by the machete handle and smash it over and over and over again against a rock. Surely this must work. Tom Hanks did it for four years in Cast Away. And he didn’t have a machete!
You finally wriggle the machete out from the coconut, only to be devastated. Not only is the coconut dry, but your machete is now broken.
Next time, use a power drill.
Stupid coconut.